The Night Before >V<mas:

'Twas the night before >V<mas and it was kinda spooky,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Jooky.
The flags were all set by >V<'s throne with care,
With hopes that Lord >V< soon would be there.

The Apostles were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of flag caps danced in their heads.
Speed in his apron and |_st in his cap,
Had just settled down for a long Winters nap.

When from in the flag chamber arose such a clatter,
DarkTroll sprang from his bed to see what's the matter.
Straight to his pipe-bombs he flew like a shot,
Took off the safety to set up an ambush spot.

Then to what did his wondering eyes did appear,
But a staggering Unibonger with a cup full of beer.
With IAM close behind Uni, DarkTroll couldn't resist,
He pulled the trigger and blew them both to bits.

"Doc, Doc" he cried "please come help with our buddies,
You need to fix Uni and IAM: better bring the putty"
"Good Lord" declared Qwerty,
"This kinda carnage makes me feel dirty"

And then, in a twinkling, we heard noise in the respawn,
Then two drunken goons playing out on the lawn.
"Praise be!" declared RoX, "their not really dead"
"Guess not" observed One, "their cheeks are so red!"

"Fuck this" declared Null, "their annoying as hell"
So he loaded a round and laid both those busters down.
Fallon deftly piped the respawn to keep them at bay,
"I will not put up with their drunkenness on >V<mas day!"

Joust swiftly made a break for the kitchen,
to brew up some coffee to stop Fal's bitchen.
Joust gave Uni and IAM a real quick drink,
They were all sobered up in less than a wink.

And speed in his dreaming could only declare,
"If you're gonna attack, please go in pairs!"
|_st rolled over and in his sleeping did add,
"If you know whats best, you wont make mom mad."

"Playtime is over, get back to bed!" did Phatty then declare,
And all the Apostles hung their heads in despair.
"But damnit," Monk observed "its almost time!"
"And if I miss >V< you're all gonna die!!"

Thats when we heard the coming thunder,
All of us just stood and gazed in wonder.
With a team of devils pulling his ride,
>V< pulled up to the fort and jumped down the side.

"Bah Humbug!" >V< declared with a loud bellow,
"Where are the flags, im a very busy fellow."
Rox and One quickly pointed towards the throne,
And >V< headed for it like a dog to a bone.

"What the fuck?" declared Null,
"Whats this bastard trying to pull?"
So Doc suggested with a wink in his eye,
"Lets jack this fool, and make off with his ride."

So Fal piped the door and the others got ready,
IAM declared, "when we hit this guy hes gonna make like spagetti."
The pipes and rockets were all ready to be exploded,
And when >V< walked out and we all unloaded.

We fired all we had, blew the shit outta the place,
But >V< walked right through it with a grin on his face.
>V< heartily laughed and then did decree,
"Silly Apostles your purpose is only to get flags for me."

Then he hopped in his ride, and made off for the sky.
Then we looked at speed as he waved goodbye.
"What the hell ya doing speed?" Uni screamed,
"he just stole all our flags, we got reamed!"

Then Monk questioned, "why the hell were we rejected?",
"You guys really shouldn't feel like that" Speed interjected.
Speed quickly added,"you know he does this every year,
Not a bad trade really, he filled the respawn with BEER!!"

Then like crazed reindeer headed for battle,
We ran for the beer with a huge rattle.
As we tapped the kegs, and pounded our brew,
One deftly asked, "now what will we do?"

To this Uni replied, "ill tell you what we'll do,
We will cap more flags, to get even more brew!"
While flying away >V< said as he drove out of sight,
"Merry >V<mas to all, and to all a good night."

I believe that this text speaks for itself.
DrQuinn